Writing a quick personal post for the afternoon before I get my butt to the gym and then ready for tonight’s Capitol Romance meetup! A few weeks ago I was having some intense email discussions with a friend and one of the topics we were writing about was being a bridesmaid. Now, let me just admit that being a type-A, control freak, opinionated wedding blogging/coordinating lady does not exactly lend itself to being the best, most easy-going bridesmaid. So let’s just get that out there now. But during the convo, my friend made the statement that, “being a bridesmaid means you just do whatever the bride wants.” And it just STUCK with me. I couldn’t get over this notion, so much so that I decided to blog about it and get some insight from you, my fabulous readers. So let’s get personal….
Let’s Get Personal: Being a Bridesmaid Means You Do Whatever the Bride Wants
So as I mentioned above, being someone with an opinionated personality, I am not one to usually keep my mouth shut when I don’t agree with something. Even outside of being a bridesmaid, this is the way I am, as a friend, as a sister, as a wife – I personally feel that communication is key and if there is something worth saying, then say it! I think we could all benefit from being more honest and open with eachother.
Now, don’t get me wrong – this doesn’t mean I go around shouting insults in peoples’ faces or saying ANYthing and EVERYthing that is on my mind! This requires tact and consideration of peoples’ feelings and time spent deciding whether or not what you are about to say is worth the result it might cause. I’ve lost friends over my honesty because I just can’t simply be the type of person that looks on idly while things are happening that I don’t believe to be good or right. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could be that person – but I’ve accepted that I am not.
So how does this translate to being a bridesmaid? Well, if you’ve ever gotten married and had bridesmaids, or been one yourself, you know there are a lot of things that are asked the ‘maids! You will most likely need to purchase attire, shoes, hold some sort of bouquet, and possibly do (and purchase!) even more than that. You will potentially be asked to do and spend a lot.
So where do we draw the line here? Do brides really have the all-encompassing power to make all and any decisions and bridesmaids should just be expected to fall in line? Should I put my personality/self aside in honor of my friend’s big day or do I try to still maintain some semblance of myself? If I’ve never been that way as a friend, why should I suddenly start being that way as a bridesmaid? These are the things I often wonder and can’t help but think I am not alone in these thoughts.
I think what it mostly comes back to is the point that I made earlier: is what I want to say or what I am thinking worth the result it might create? Yes, it’s my friend’s big day and it should certainly be all about her and her partner – but when I am being asked to spend time, effort, and money on things, shouldn’t I get a say? I’ll continue to muse on it, because I am still really not sure.
What do you think Romancers? Should I just “suck it up” and do whatever the bride wants, or should I stand by my personal beliefs and be the type of person that I always am? Have you dealt with a similar situation before?
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2 comments
I’m now engaged and have been a bridesmaid once. I did not have a good experience as a bridesmaid because the bride was inconsiderate. I believe that in all interactions with people – but specifically your friends who are spending a ton of $ on your wedding – we should all give a little. Yes, we all want a nice wedding, but does that mean your ‘maids should have to purchase $500 dresses and $300 shoes? Of course not. I am trying my best as a bride to get input from my bridesmaids and not abuse them by using the “my way or the highway” mindset. I decide what I want, look at options and pick the best one being mindful of people’s budgets. It’s only right.
CO – Love what you said and couldn’t agree more! There needs to be more of a balance. Things have become too much of a competition and I think we are losing focus on the importance of what asking someone to be your maid/groomsmen/wedding party attendant really is about.